Nothing more

sometimes when i sit alone, i began to start thinking again. it's impossible not to think. otherwise at times, when i am distracted by other things, i would probably be thinking that my father is still at work. and at 8.30pm he would be back from work. mom would probably cook by then, then i would know we are a whole complete family again, everyone safe and sound.

so i wait, everyday. at 8.30pm, when will my daddy be coming home. then it occurred to me. my beloved daddy won't be home anymore. neither will he ever come back for dinner. by then, i would be sobbing hard. so hard that i feel so weak. no one can really understand what i am going through. my mother has me to confine to, but who have i to confine to? is it my choice that i do not want to share how i feel with my mother? well, partly, because it is sort of uncomfortable. i want to share with someone i feel so close to, someone my age who thinks i am silly and yet cries with me. telling my mom would hurt her even more. i don't want her to be any sadder than she is already. sometimes i wish i had a boyfriend beside me, so i can cuddle and cry. sometimes i wish we were so near to each other that i can maybe forget all the troubles i have. but how could i? someone i love is on the other side of the globe. how impossible for him to be next to me.

the only choice i have left is to pray to God, and to write it down... because maybe sometimes words best express how i feel deep down inside.

my approach to life has always been fairly simple : Embrace it as it comes.

i reckon that is exactly want i will do and have to do.