Tuesday, April 10, 2007
you know he used to tell me before, how he sets out his time, 2 hours for his girl, 2 hours for his homework and 2 hours for his play. but now, i guess i am not as important as her. since whenever he gets back home, he would say he is tired, then after a few seconds, he would load mh.. ye that's the end. the kind of conversation we have everyday/ or more like once every 3-4 days. he told me before i was better than her in a lot of ways, but that does not mean that he liked me more than her..
is it only my wilful thinking that we have the same level of mutual understanding and love? when someone asked him does he love me, he asked the person to define love.. i try to be as understanding everyday, i tried everything.. but how does he respond? i guess he doesn't know. i guess he will never know.
i know i can never replace her, but what am i thinking? why do i always compare myself with her?
is it because he once told me that she was the image of a perfect girl for him? sigh,
all these thinkings and aches are certainly taking a toll on me. i have never felt so much pain for a guy, usually, i would just, go away kind of thing, or i don't really care.
what should i do? what should i do?
i do not like hurting myself, but i am sad. almost teary. for a guy, is it worth it?
i try to appear cheery to him when ever i talk to him, but i guess he doesn't know.
i guess i am too soft, i know she was harsh and strict, but i am soft and i do not know how to get angry, has he taken this to his advantage? i hate myself now, for feeling so much about him. i want to do everything for him, like a good and obedient girl, i know i am traditional, not headstrong nor frank.
bah, maybe i should stop guessing,
i would have given up on him a long time because i am so sick of hurting myself, i guess with all the encouragement i received from miss maggie let me on and i stayed the same way....
how can i stop myself from crying in my heart?
Nationality Thai ( **Kisses for Shopping, no $$ though** )
Interests I adore gaming~ Martial Heroes~, Perfect World and stuff (Old noob) and I love my absolute FPS game - Wolfteam. I love Figure skating and lots of other cool i don't know. I love Lifehouse music, and I think they are great. So are kelly and christina. I love music that can bring tears to my eyes too. :)
Miss Mood Changer~~ my mood varies ( important part of my development ^_^ )
Expertise Designs and graphics, Colors, texture and Computers. Yummy~ brushes, patterns, photoshop, photographs Also makeup, makeup, lots of makeup! Ring me if you need bridal, D&D makeovers
Occupation Graduate of the one and only Singapore Polytechnic Diploma in Media and communications Freelance Host, WebDesigner, Makeup Artist (MUA), Full-time Customer Service officer
Media and Public Relations, Aviation Authority
I am a 21 years old graduate of Singapore Polytechnic year 2009 I do feel like picking up the books again but not for something of my line - preferably Dermatogoly or Skin Science. I <3 Science. I don't know why I took Mass Comms.
I want to travel around the world with the love of my life <3 My oyhero ~ and do everything before I die.
Stuff I like
Black Clothes, any Music~, Makeup~, Cameras, Books~, Computers~, and a Nice Big house. ^^ Maybe 100 Billion Dollars is good too. I don't know. Life's too long.