:: + ::| Bloody Kisses |:: + ::

Jail-Break your iPhone + iTouch

2009-12-13T08:59:00.007+08:00

This is just a guide made by me :) Credits goes to the hackers of them <3> George Hotz and Saurik

Welcome to Blackra1n

By babySunshin3 for Version 3.1++

1. Google “blackra1n”

2. Download “blackra1n” on to desktop

3. Connect device to desktop

4. Open “blackra1n”

5. Click “Make It Rain”

6. Your device will auto- reboot and wait for “Jailbreak is complete” textbox. Do not close that box at this point of time.

7. Open “blackra1n” on your device

8. Tick “Cydia” and install

9. Once installed, click “Graphical User”

10. Wait for updates and do a complete update.

11. Go to “Search” (Last option on the bottom dock)

12. Look at “Apps List” and install

13. Go to “Manage” > Sources > Edit (Top right) > Add (Top left hand) > Enter “http://cydia.hackulo.us” and click “OK”.

Go to “Search” > “Installous” This will allow you to install apps for free. (Includes security platform”

See “Installous Notes”

14. Almost done, now you can close “blackra1n” on your desktop.

15. Congratulations, you have just jailbroken your device. Voila J

Apps List

1. Cydelete – Allows you to delete Cydia-installed apps without going on Cydia

2. SBSettings – Allows you do easily access your settings

3. Winterboard – Allows you install themes including sounds (Use Cydia to download “Themes”)

4. Poof! - Hides all your unsightly apps like iTunes (Totally unusable in Singapore), useless ones like stocks and etc.

Installous Notes

Welcome to Installous When you open Installous, you will be greeted by a black screen prompting you to enter a password to access. Enter “Cavern” and you’re in!

To test, enter any app name in “Search” and open. Scroll all the way down and download the latest version, “Download” and once completed, click “Downloads” and install.

Optional Apps Available on Cydia

1. Categories – Enables you to categorize your apps in one folder.

2. MxTube – Enables you to download Youtube videos on to your device directly.

3. dTunes – A free version of iTunes

4. iBlank – Provides blank spaces (Just for fun)

Questions, please forward to my inbox – icyangels.58679@gmail.com. Have Fun!

Give me a Break

2009-02-06T14:08:00.003+08:00

My life is going downhill

sometimes i fee suicidal

but i need to stop being stupid..

help? =(

A Love Before Time

2009-02-03T10:52:00.003+08:00

God I keep listening to the same song over and over again. A love before time.
It is a very touching and sad sound from the movie Couching Tiger Hidden Dragon. If you love oriental music, you'll like this sound. Unfortunately my darling don't really like Coco Lee. I think she's nice. Got a great voice!

Everything I listen to the music and lyrics... I go into the emo state and becomes depressed, sad and lol. well~ and I can't myself from listening to it.

I emailed Aileen today from the NYAA council. I hope she can give me some good advise on incident yesterday. She's one of the best persons to help I guess. Sigh

Anyway, I was reading some articles on Wiki while at work and I remembered some racist incidents not too long ago. Someone called me Chink. I decided to look it up -

Something interesting too "

While usually intended for ethnic Chinese, the slur has also been directed at other East Asians. Mary Paik Lee, (an Asian-American author) a Korean immigrant who arrived with her family in San Francisco in 1906, writes in her autobiography that on her first day of school, girls circled and hit her, chanting:

Ching Chong, Chinaman,
Sitting on a wall.
Along came a white man,
And chopped his head off.^{[4] "}

Ching Chong: (U.S. and Canada) Mocking the language of or a person of perceived Chinese or East Asian descent. An offensive term which has raised considerable controversy when used by celebrities such as Rosie O'Donnell.^[33]
Chink: (U.S., UK, and India) used to refer to people of perceived Chinese descent, and by extension for other East Asians. Considered extremely derogatory, although at least one US school proudly used the term as a sports mascot until the 1980s

And you know what? I don't really care!

I have not lost my cultural identify. I am PROUD to be a Chinese. I am proud to be a Thai! In fact, being a Thai-Chinese is one of the best things ever happened to me!

What's so degrading about being a Chinese? What do you see Chinese as? Chinks with slanted eyes? Speaks terrible English? Of violent nature?
Look at how rich the Chinese culture is. How solid it is. We have an identity. A unified race- the greatest language ever, the best poems, the most beautiful literature. Our culture is rich in heritage and history.

What about Thais? Stop fking think in your head that all Thais are prostitutes, drug addicts and swindles.

And what do you call half-breeds like me? Dirty? Scumbag?

I don't care either. I guess it is also no wonder Cho did what he did. I am not saying he is right, but I can feel racial tension and discrimation in his part.

What so good about being a white? We are all sharing the same sun, same moon, same stars. You have no right to degrade us. You are nothing but a disgrace to yourself. You have your own cultures and we have ours. We are proud of what we have and are content, why must you feel jealous and threatened? Haha, Racism

err grrr I shall continue this later. Ian just gave me some articles for STUFF next issue!

Bit*ch

2009-02-02T10:04:00.004+08:00

If you don't know something about me and need to know, just ASK you f*king a*shole! Stop WASTING MY FKING TIME and MONEY! $200 = bread for me! Peanuts to you!
I want to so BITCH SLAP you and knock your teeth right off. You impolite SOB. At least answer my freaking question when I want to ask you something. If you want me show evidence, ASK, not stare at your freaking computer screen all the time.

OMG I cannot be bothered with this kind of people. Learn some proper customer service, be more people-oriented. I bet you 1 thousand years her freaking boyfriend hates her. or doesn't have one, if she does, they are probably of the same genre.

My my insolent creature, so want to slap her, can't she be nicer? or her parents didn't teach her any manners?

When people ask you something, AT LEAST HELP THEM. What are you? American? Denying Thais into your country? thinking that they might be prostitutes? Comon girl, you can do better than that.

I don't care if my application was rejected or approved, but I can't freaking stand her attitude. SAY something instead of 'I'm sorry the interview is over'. What sort of interview is that? You can't ask questions, you can't confirm anything? And the interview was done in a open standing booth, like the ones you see in the polyclinic pharmacies except that there is a hugh bullet proof glass.

I am going to reapply again. The next time I see her, I am going to shoot her.

I am going to bring along ALL THE DOCUMENTS TO PROVE I AM FKING GOING TO STAY IN SINGAPORE WHEN I RETURN. -_- RETARD

edit* the only people who knows what I am rambling on about are people I started complaining to the moment I stepped out of that stupid place. Drop me a message if you really want to know. And also for advice that you might want/need to know before you head there yourself.

DiorShow Iconic

2009-02-01T11:39:00.003+08:00

I don't get what's up with SingPost!

I was suppose to receive my item like last week? and haven't heard anything since. My seller told me (x3 of them) that they had mailed mailed out weeks ago. And not only that, it happens to them too. It's just a small package, why is it taking SO LONG. zzzzzzz

I am missing two NYX Round LipStick from 1 seller, 1 Thalia Shade from 1 and 1 PSP Screen Guard. All had confirmed mailing.. :(

I went to the Cozy Cot cum Very Dior launch of their latest lip color. Frankly, Dior is more known for their lippies, besides Shiseido's Rouge. I don't think their other products are as awesome, with the exception of their mascaras. (Read on)

They gave a private showcase of the new Dior Addict HighShine. I didn't really like it.. Not really want I was looking for. I tested a few shades on my lips by the makeup artist. Real patient and friendly, I was quite a fussy one.

Anyway this is how it looks like....

Looks very runway- high shine and a little shimmery, but I was really looking for something fresh and wholesome. More pinkish orange? Less shimmer? The lipstick felt good though, it glided on my lips quite well. I am suffering from pigmented lips and which in my opinion, sucks! Very hard to wear very light colors because my lip color would overpower the lightest and sheerness of it. I love lipgloss too. =( Especially those baby pink shades.

I am really looking forward to the NYX lipsticks, not only because of their awesome reviews, but the extremely raved shades.

And..........

I got the DiorShow Iconic Mascara in Noir Black! I absolutely love this!
Although it a non-waterproof formula, it doesn't smudges! and did not smudge it did! Despite the fact that waterproof mascaras hold the curls better in our humid weather, this one really help up my lashes! I love it so much! The brush, the main curler, helps curl and lift up your lashes really well.

I was actually tempted to get the DiorShow BlackOut Mascara but the makeup artist advised me use this one because people often get the BlackOut for its color, especially when they are using faux lashes.

The only thing I hate about it is that it now make my Maquillage Lash Curler by Shiseido render useless.. because I do not really need to curl my lashes.

I think, before I fly to the States, I am going to get my hands on the Shiseido lash primer. Heard its really good. I am currently using the XL Cils Booster from Lancome. Its okay, not that impressive, does a little bit of volume, but still.. rather normal, even the Fasio Waterproof lash primer does a better job. I went to work with 1 eye Fasio and 1 eye Lancome. Lol. Not a MAJOR difference but still noticeable.

Verdict

I really love this! It's now my HOLY GRAIL! I love the formula, the brush and also the shiny packaging heheh!

Holding Power - 5 Curled the entire day.
Packaging - 5 Nice box =p shiny!
Color - 3 Not as intensive as the Blackout
Waterproof - 0 Er, smears in the color
Smudgeproof - 4 Stood well against rubbing
Removing - 4 Pretty easy with warm water
Would Buy Again - YES!

Coasta Scents 78 Palette

2009-01-23T12:33:00.005+08:00

I just bought a Coasta Scents 78 Palette from Magicaltannsu. It is very adorable! Cheap and affordable. I think EnKore has a review on Youtube on this one.

The colors are so pigmented and GOOD! Can't tell you much much I loved it. Although I am heavily hinting *ahem* the Urban Decays Palettes for Valentine's Day, I think this should keep me satisfied for a while.

Might be doing a swatch of the colors if anyone wants :D

Cost only SGD$29. So much cheaper if you calculate Shipping and handling from the US.

The blushes ARE great. They can complement any skintone! I am using the second one from the left today for a fresh and pink day! Eyes are brown and black with mild beige and white highlights. - feel so SPRINGTIME!

Was asking Joanna yesterday if she wanted me to do videos or type it all out here for reviews on the past stuff I owe her. Well, I am in my office right now, cracking my head on what products I would like to talk about.

Face -

Shiseido Majolica Majorca Foundation
Shiseido Majolica Majorca Skin Lingerie
BRTC BB Cream
Maybelline Mineral Foundation Powder

Eyes -

Some Cheapo shadows
Coasta Scents
Covergirl Lashblast Mascara Black Waterproofn (Thanks my dearest baby)
Shiseido Majolica Majorca Lash Expander Black
Maybelline Gel Liner
The BodyShop Glitter Liner
Shiseido Maquillage Lash Curler
Faux Lashes from Hong Kong (HAHA)

Lips -

Revlon Mineral Glaze in Eternal Blossom
Maybelline Watershine 3D Essence in 402

I have pending items yet to be recieved

NYX Round Lipstick in Thalia and 2 other shades

EXCITING!

My Current Wish List

Shiseido The Makeup Poreless Foundation $77
Shiseido Maquillage Christopher Kane Edition Palette $64
Urban Decay Deluxe Shadow Set - comes with 1 small Primer Potion
Twoface Shadow Inssurance
Blinc Tubes Mascara $55

Gosh it's so expensive being a girl! Seriously! I am sorry~ pardon my new obsession with Shiseido, I love Shu Umera faux lashes too by the way! Just that they are too expensive for me to buy.

Anyway, I was thinking of bringing in some items which are not available here in Singapore from the US. Stuff like Urban Decay, Covergirl, -- you know, at an affordable price . Definitely much cheaper than what others are offering because I am getting it direct ;) Can't wait for my trip in March. Anyone interested?

I can't be doing videos reviews yet - my Sony T700 died on me.....................................

Z.A Spring Essentials Make-up Session

2009-01-23T12:15:00.004+08:00

I went to the Z.A Spring Essentials yesterday with Joanna @ Bugis hosted by CozyCot. Kind of far for us but it was alright. The session started great - I seriously couldn't believe the presenter was only 22! She looked older. Well haha.

First off, we were taught various color combinations - warms, cools and neutrals. Interesting but if you loved as much make-up as I do, you would probably know all of these already. One interesting fact- Red in makeup terms, is a neutral. Bet you didn't know that right?

We started to look at spring trends. There is a tendency to fall to the fresh and natural look with a dewy glow. The lips tend to look a little brighter, which is good (for chinese new year). The eyes, however, are played up a little. It goes for the more smokey greys look. Not that intensive black but subtle yet noticeable smokey.

Then we moved on to the hands-on make-up time! First up, the Z.A Metavoltage Cream! Something that I definitely would like to try. The closest thing I can compare it with is the Ginvera Marvel Gel. You need to but it on and let it soften, and dries and then you rub it off. Use that after you cleanse your face. The difference really wasn't that noticeable but yeah, nice, soft and supple.

Oh ye, I really love the concealer! omg! It's texture is so soft and silky! People with creases on the under-eye like mine surely need something lighter than the cream kind.

I use both No.2 and No.3, depending on which part of the face I am concealing! Bad week - super hectic ~ didn't had time to take care of my skin.

Next was the foundation. Ok, I am sure everyone knows about Z.A foundation. It's like the powder that EVERYONE have, used, or still using, at least once! I had 3 compacts so far, might want to go back to it, but I think I shall stick to my mineral foundation for now. I am using shade 22- a little on the yellow side. But I think I prefer the pink version because once I used the BRTC BB Cream, my skin turned slight pink lol.

We had fun with the make-up, shadows, lippies (the brightest red one is best, trust me) and blushes. I particularly liked the red lip one. It wasn't all RED, it was sheer and very very nice for CNY! I think the shade is L5.

Must thank Cozy-Cot for creating this event to meet the other cotters and best of all, indugle in our passion! M-A-K-E-U-P!!!!

So Long

2009-01-19T20:35:00.003+08:00

Wow, it certainly HAD been ages since I last updated my blog. Had so many things on my mind. On second thought, I had do have lots of makeup tips and reviews to do! >.< Thanks my dear Joanna for reminding me I have a BLOG!

I do hope I can get everything done during Chinese New Year!

Right now I am sort of planning my trip in March! Making a mental note to make my visa as soon as possible. It's such a hassle to travel with the need to make a VISA... :(

Ramblings

2008-11-09T22:43:00.014+08:00

Poor Grandma, she fell down and injured herself. :(

I went to visit my grandmother in hospital just yesterday. Went back home at about 9 pm. Train was freaking packed, it was a saturday mind you. Stood for about 4 stations and lots of people alighted. Sabrina spotted a seat and sat so I stood in front of her. Suddenly, this retarded guy stood behind me. HE WAS SO CLOSE TO ME LOR! Whenever I turned around his STUPID FACE was just inches away from me. And his entire body keep shifting in to me. WTF La. There was so much space at the back and he have to come so near to me! I was naturally irritated and annoyed so I moved closer to Sabrina. THEN HE MOVED FORWARD! Mom was complaining- LOL because she was next to me all along.

Aaron was like, "Jie, kick his crotch."

Ya right, as if I could do that. For I, do NOT have substantial evidence that he was making his progress to becoming a pervert!

So I decided to snap a shot of him. Mom was like - ahh no! because he might snatch your phone away and ran off the train. I told her I was just going to quickly snap and show my boyfriend later. See my baby's reaction :D So he will hurry here and protect me!

Well, showed him I did, and I am going to show YOU!

You can see, well I mosaic-ed his face out but you can see his sinister grin on his cheeky chin cheek right? XD

Gross la! I really felt gross at that moment- but more on the violent side - kick his arse!

Gross!

* Update

What is wrong with Blogger! It doesn't work with OPERA anymore! I am missing all my rich text formating! And my little target box is now messed up! Grrr! So sleepy, will fix this in the morning :/ Help!

Everyday Minerals Haul

2008-11-08T16:43:00.003+08:00

Don't Laugh at ME! ^_^

Can i borrow $25?

2008-11-04T01:03:00.003+08:00

Can i borrow $25?

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Latest Buzz

2008-11-04T00:34:00.005+08:00

ABOUT NYX:

NYX originated and is headquartered in the heart of sunny Los Angeles. The cosmetics line was founded in 1999 by a young entrepreneur name Toni Ko. Ms. Ko has been involved in color cosmetics since she was a teenager and has always desired to create and share a line of cosmetics that provided quality products at approachable prices.

NYX Cosmetics does just that! We offer the best quality of cosmetics at attractive prices. NYX cosmetics has become one of the fastest growing cosmetic companies in the United States. Our ultramodern and stylish packaging fused with highly pigmented and wide array of colors and products continues to catch the eyes of many sophisticated, trendy shoppers and has fast become a fave on their must-have list.

Our goal is to provide our clients with the best cosmetics and service in the field. Call us, fax us, or come visit us and let us know how we can help make you look more gorgeous as you celebrate ruling the town!

Source: NYXcosmetics.com

Ultra Cool and Ultra Hip! I heard a lot of reviews about this brand - especially their sold-out Round Lipsticks (Only for USD$2 @ CherryCulture.com) in Thalia shade and their Candy Glitter Eyeliner (USD$3).

These are definite must-tries because they are so cheap and everyone seem to be talking about them. Might take a while before it gets to Singapore - even when it's here, trust me, the prices WOULD be ridiculous!

Edit* Oh and they Doll Eye Long Lash Mascara - from what I heard, IS ULTRA AWESOME!

I wish money grows on trees.

To do List

1. Drink Water (I only drink 1 glass per day. That is BAD!)

2. Remember my Vitamin C tablets (Always forget them)

3. Stop spending too much (that could be justifiable! I want to look pretty!)

4. Get a good webcam to make video reviews! (Can't wait)

5. Complete the other 4 first before I drag on any further

~ Ciao ~

News Article

2008-11-03T10:21:00.001+08:00

Me Me Me

Everyday Minerals Update

2008-11-02T23:27:00.001+08:00

Will be doing the haul reviews soon. Wondering if I should do it in Video format..

Day Today

2008-11-02T23:01:00.005+08:00

Sabrina's big night - the dance she's performed at Republic Polytechnic Cultural Centre for her grad night was so lovely. She was so cute and beautiful :) (Just like me :P) So proud of her. Great dancer too! ^^

Went to Mos Burger after and and went to buy something for my darling for his birthday. ^_^ Cost a bomb to me but it is worth-it. (I think) Hope he likes and uses it, or else. (I suck at buying gifts btw).

Personally, I feel food when I eat at Mos burger. Thank heavens for the delicious rice burgers, looks less guilty than any other. And it has been ages since I stayed away from MacDonald fries. And No, I am not tempted!

Random Pics of the Day

My pretty and skinny cousin from Thailand. Flew back to Thailand today :( No friends to play with me!

My Clique of School! Technically, it is 5 -1.

My Beloved Class of 04. I love you all ^_^

Revlon Liquid Liner

2008-11-02T22:38:00.004+08:00

This is like my new HOLY GRAIL for eyeliners.

I have used several eyeliners in the past - liquid, gel, pencil, kohl bla bla. Frankly, I am a fan of pencil for several years - Bourjois. Then I switched to kohl. The colors were so pigmented and beautiful (think of Bollywood babes) but it smudges like crazy and I look like a panda (serious).

I always want to achieve a beautiful cat eye so I decided on liquid liners. My first Liquid Liner (LL) was MISTINE eyeliner. Only available in Thailand and some parts of S.E Asia. It was.. well the brush was great but the consistency was horrible and won't stay at all.

Next a tried a few others and stopped at Fasio because I think I had enough of LLs. Fasio, well doesn't smudge but FLAKES like crazy. After letting my lids dry, I use my curler over and it starts FLAKING again. 12pm into the day, AND FLAKES AGAIN. I always got mini bits of black dots over my eye and under. The other thing horrible with it but I kept using, was the BRUSH! The brush was simply too long and flexible that it makes application so difficult, especially for my left eye. If you make a mistake, it makes weird streaks all over and when you want to erase it, better do it fast or it will leave black stains. Stains like blotches, not lines.

The best thing and only I like about them is the color. It was well pigmented, just that it did not last. :( The sales girl was right. It did not smudge, I guess she forgot to tell me about it not being long lasting. =/

Now, moving on. I read so many reviews on the net about Revlon liners saying they are the best! I didn't to get my hands on one despite the enormous makeup bill I already have.

The color - Great but Fasio's was more pigmented

Lasting - Entire day and night

Flakes - None

Brush - Felt Tip brush (meaning shorter and more precise application)

Amount - Not so much sadly but that gives me an excuse to get another one soon.

It is the most fantastic liner I ever used. I used for so many looks and absolutely love the winged-eye flick effect. So cute! It did not smudge, very easy to remove if you made a mistake (very hard to make a mistake though) because of the brush. For that, the price of $17.90 at all departmental stores are alright. I got mine at $16.10 at Metro because of my Card. John Little was not having any promotion then.

Everyday Minerals

2008-10-27T12:00:00.001+08:00

Everyday Minerals, where are you?

On a side note.

Happy Deepavali to all my Hindu friends!

Lancome Mascaras

2008-10-26T02:08:00.004+08:00

A few mascara reviews

cils booster XL

This is the best primer/ lash base I ever used. I used dozens drugstore brands and nothing ever cam close to what the XL Booster can acheive.

Once you brush the whites on, when it is like 40% dry, you can almost see nothing of the white solution on your lashes. It miraculously disappears and makes your lashes look a lot longer, healthier and fuller. When I use other brands, I always hate it when it leaves some visible white fibers/primer/whatever visible on my lashes. I hate it so much and it weighs my lashes down. However the XL Booster did not.

I use it with my Hypnose - It make my lashes extra long, fuller, and gave a very very nice black sheen to it. It almost looked like fasle lashes. My lashes stayed curled the entire time and I was so happy I bought this.

Careful not to over apply it because it can cause uneveness on your lashes. Apply mascara when the Booster is about 50% dry. It makes a whole lot of difference.

Defincilis

I like this mascara.
Being a mascara freak - I like how long my lashes were and defined. Unfortunately, that's all it does. I so prefer Hypnose versus the Defincilis because of the volume. Then again you cannot compare volume vs length.

I did a lot of reseach on this mascara before getting them and dubbed as the best mascara, I had mixed reactions. Some complained it make their lashes clump and smudge. However, It was not the case for me. It was well moist, dried pretty fast and lasted the entire day to evening.
I used it with the XL base booster.

The brush was pretty average but the formula was good for my lashes. It did what it was suppose to do and that was about it. Define and lengthen.

I won't buy this again because I found my HG(s) macaras - The Hypnose and Covergirl Lash Blast!
Good if you already have max volume lashes.

Hypnose (BEST ONE)

Surprisingly, this product did not clump for me. I got the trial sample size and I am so in love with it. I am a mascara addict and love to experiment. I got the Defincilis Pro, Defincilis, the lash primer and Hypnose from Lancome. I love the Hypnose best!

Everyone was asking me if I had false lashes. I am allergic to some mascaras and my eyelash roots would itch. This however didn't.

It made my lashes full, even though I am Asian, I got nice average curled lashes, it extended my lashes a lot, althought not as much as the Defincilis. My lashes were totally in a beautiful black shade and caught so much attention.

I got a non-waterproof formula and it lasted the entire day. Did not smudge, flake or clumped at all. I put a LOT of layers once it is 3/4 dry. I am definititly getting the full retail version one after this one finish.

Beyond Words

2008-10-24T23:06:00.002+08:00

My daddy would never have a chance to say "I love you" to me anymore..

Kept crying when I watched this.

I love Thai commercials, even though Thai insurrance doesn't interest. I am proud of being a Thai! :D

Register! I WANT A BAG!

2008-10-24T13:25:00.000+08:00

Waiting Haul

2008-10-23T18:43:00.001+08:00

Omg la. I bought so many things last week and still waiting for them to arrive. :( Sigh!

Jose Eber Flat Irons

2008-10-18T23:10:00.004+08:00

My hair after using the oh-so-expensive-and-branded flat irons >.<

So far, I love it! It got hot very quickly like in a matter of seconds. My hair lasted the entire day without using any products or such. Only when I put like some serum and milk that it started to curl back again.

I used a lower setting for my hair because my ends are super damaged due to bleaching, coloring, rebonding and heat treatments. And also because I had baby pink (Oh so cute) extensions in my hair! - They are like a dollar each at Far East Plaza, Singapore. Mine was $1.50 because of the color. I hunted with Qiushi, HuiEe and JunXian up and down for this color. HuiEe got hers in purple. Looks subtle and mysterious. Nice.

Anyway back to my flat iron ---- Super fast to use, easy and great! I was watching tutorials on Youtube to learn how to curl hair using a flat iron! Greatness, it really works. I will try them some day but don't want to spoil my straight hair style just yet.

Really thing investing in a good flat iron is worth it. When I get married, I am going to invest in a CHI or a PHI. Lots of hype about this company (Farouk) for their flat irons.

I wonder how my kids' hair would turn out. Curl like mine or straight like his? Hmm. When I was younger, my hair was stick straight. Like wispy and brown - people said I was a japanese doll. Lol. Well, when I got to primary school, it started to become coarse and thick and curly. Beats me. I wish I got mom's naturally wavy hair. Mine's fried and dead.

Overall, the iron looks good while it last.. Design-wise, its pretty good. Althought it can get very hot under the clamps corners. Price-wise, retailing at USD$250 is a little costly for me. Even the CHI cost only liek USD$99. It was on discount so I decided to get Jose Eber instead. Temperatures are adjustable from 180 Degrees to 420 Degrees. It's a good iron I think. At least for now. Comes with a nice box and a lifetime warranty, applicable IF you got the product from the store itself and not some online retailer.

On a side note. I am puzzled with Everyday Minerals email. First it says Pending, then error, then it said Funded. But the website accounts said Shipped. So will I get my minerals OR NOT?

Paid for the sample sizes for 4 Lancome Mascaras already! Can't wait to get my hands on them. 3 Black Mascaras and 1 Primer! Heard they are all very good.

Jose Eber Flat Iron

2008-10-17T21:08:00.004+08:00

Just got my Jose Eber Flat Iron today! NO adapter. Going to get one tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Thank you my dear very much. ^_^

Looks exactly like that. ^_^

JOSE EBER NEW SIGNATURE 1" TORMALINE FLAT IRON BLACK W BLUE PLATES

Lets see what it claims... .. .. .

World Famous hairdresser to the stars - Jose Eber - brings you the same ultimate straightening iron used in his Beverly Hills salon, and on fashion runways and movie sets around the world. Made to his precise specifications for maximum results, the Jose Eber NEW GENERATION ADVANCED TOURMALINE PLATE will help you achieve sleek, silky-smooth and healthy looking hair like no other straightening iron. Advance Tourmaline Ceramic Plate Design Latest technology provides perfect heat distribution Reaches maximum temperature in minimum time Hair is not burned, damaged or over dried Negative Ion Technology Hair is heated softly and evenly from the inside out Generates negative ions and infrared rays to seal the cuticles, repeals humidity, and reduces frizziness Means shinnier, healthier looking hair for you. Will work world wide..... uses 110 or 220 electric connection

List Price: $250.00 USD

Better work well tomorrow! -,-"

Canmake Eyelash Essence

2008-10-13T19:56:00.002+08:00

I want to tell you about the new Canmake Eyelash Essence I bought last night.

Guess what!

If I had a digital camera and good lighting, I would take some snapshots of my lashes and post them here, which unfortunately I don't!

IT REALLY WORKS!~

Thank you very much Vivawoman.net for recommending me.

I used to have nice lustrous lashes until I went for eyelash extension. Because I was in Bangkok, did not have access to my full routine, as well as the inability to take care of them, my fingers were always touching them because they looked pretty nice.

It was when I was touching and rubbing them so much (nope, extensions don't itch), the lashes began to seperate. I found a few sticking out in weird ways so I tried to twist it back. To my horror (and noobiness), it got worse! LOL.

Anyway, I began experimenting pulling them out and zzzzz, most of my lashes fell off together with the extensions. Sigh. So, my lashes are still average, but short of some hair. I was thinking of going for another extension but Singapore extensions are WAY overpriced. You know in Bangkok hot spots (you have to ask the locals teens), it is like B299 for natural, B399 for nice M/L like mine, and B499 for the glam doll look. It is so much lesser than the $90SGD you got to pay here.

I was planning for a trip to Bangkok before March but I FOUND the EYELASH ESSENCE. I began searching for more informative reviews and heard it was FANTABULOUS!

And well, ya you can see how pleased I am and it really works. My left eye, which has lesser eyelashes and some space (because it was the first eye I started yanking of the extensions) has now more hair and same length as the right eye.

You can use the essence before bed and in the mornings when you wake up. Use it alone and let it condition itself. Use it as a mascara primer and it held up my curl and make my lashes stay exactlly the same when I enter my house at 9pm since 8am.

It is a liquid based mascara looking wand and is a blue tube like the one pictured in the previous post. I brush on a few coats (3-4) before I go to bed. Use it like how to use a mascara except that focus more on the roots. I am obsessed with them! Lol.

Some girls said that it took about 1-2 weeks for them to notice the results, but took some overnight! Like mine! I am really pleased with my purchase and will be investing in a good mascara soon. After weeks of research, I am going to get Lancome Hypnose! Online DUH- Not going to spend $50 on a retail store or whatever.

I would give this a 9.5/10 rating because I have not yet tried other brands like Talika, but the reviews I read were not as good as the Canmake ones.

You guys should get it! It is so affordable at $15.90 at all Canmake spots like John Little. They are having a 20% sale and goes at $13.

Wish List

2008-10-12T23:19:00.004+08:00

These are so beautiful............

I am getting one of this -- Bracelet

IT IS SO PRETTY!

My dream bag, I will get when I earn at least 1 k USD per month. It is so cute, chic and pretty and gorgeous and cute and pretty and hot and and and... >.<

I few in love with it the moment I saw it. Why are Juicy stuff so expensive. :( (Sobs uncontrobally)

JUICY COUTURE!

I wish this was in pink - I want to get one Gigabeat to match my laogong's =P

Long day shopping. Went to Marina, Suntec, Causeway Point and shopped 10 hours straight! That's a record :P

Bought lots of stuff but unfortunately, none were for me. However I got some free samples from Lancome.

Lancome NeuroCalm Series - Night Cream, Eye Gel and a Makeup Base. I am missing one more piece called the Pore something. Going to get that one soon.

Made a Metro Card too! Yipee!

Oh, just bought a Canmake Eyelash Essence tube today! Going to try it out! I heard great reviews about it - SGD$15.90 + DISCOUNT = $13.50 or something.

The MakeupAlley

Vivawomen

How to use it?

Here you go!

After a week, I shall tell you if it works!

Good night!

EMD Haul

2008-10-11T12:28:00.003+08:00

Hurray! Once I get my paycheck tomorrow, I shall deposit it and EMD here I come! Already prepared what to buy. Cost about SGD$12.50 for shipping.

Hoping to get -

1 x Eyeshadow Kit - Sample
$17.00

Eye Colors10/10

Smokey Eyelinersample1

In the Gardensample1

Ruby Sand sample1

Wallabysample1

Beach Towelsample1

Black Eye Liner sample1

Picnic sample1

Rare Silksample1

Starry Eyedsample 1

Cypresssample1

Total kit items:
10/10

1 x Free Sample Makeup Kit
$0.00

Foundations:

Buff-Beige Neutral
sample (Original Glo) 1

Golden-Winged Butter
sample (Original Glo) 1

Olive-Sandy Olive
sample (Original Glo) 1

Theme Parksample1

Pearl Pick Me Upsample1

Total kit items:
5/5

1 x Personal Custom Kit - Full
$34.00

New Flat Top Brush standard1

Warm-Medium Beige Summerbig (Semi-Matte) 1

All Smilesbig1

Multi-Tasking Concealerbig1

Start to Finish Rice Powder â€“ Soft Bronze big1

Lip Gloss1/6

Natural Lip Colorlarge1

Total kit items:6/6

3 Products
$51.00

Hope I can get them. It is really worth it. :)

Also saving up for my trip in March! TO US of A! Mom has agreed. I think she's only paying for my shopping like SGD$500. I need like 1 k for a plane ticket and a few hundreds for expenses. ^_^ Mom suggest I live at baby's parents place. She said it's a lot safer than hostels and stuff. I am not sure. When the dates come closer, guess we will start planning.

And.... a birthday present for my dearest! I am debating on what to get him. Hmm. Well countdown now ^_^

Anndddd today's my dearest friend and buddy, Hui Ee's birthday. ^_^ happy for her. She's going to be 19. Well, I am considered old. Sigh - 20 is not a nice age.

I was dreaming last night if I had USD$25,000, what would I do.

It is kind of nice to think about it once in a while. Like get your braincells working and stuff. Well of course day dream is a fun way to destress.

1. $10,000 in my bank

2. $1,000 for church

3. $4,000 for mom and aaron

4. $5,000 for a family holiday

5. $1,000 for new room

6. $1,000 for relatives in Thailand

7. $2,000 for new items around the house

8. $1,000 for mom + my bank (daily house expenses)

Well, looking at my list, I could spend $25,000 so fast. It doesn't seem a lot now does it? I am sure it could totally disappear in beat. Sad. Inflation is taking over the world!

Mineral Make Up

2008-10-10T10:28:00.002+08:00

I found the coolest thing!

Everyday Minerals!

Everything is so cheap and have splendid reviews. I will be getting the whole lot next week. I seriously cannot stand the Loreal True Match Mineral Foundation. Cost me a bomb - $26.70 (for someone not working duh!)

The texture is kind of thick. I don't like the sticky feel at all. At certain days it made my nose itch. I - I got sensitive nosey! Maybe it was because of the brush because after I replaced it with my BodyShop Kabuki, the itch lessen, but did not go away.

The minerals made my skin kind of weird, like almost oily but no oily, sticky and not smooth at all. I love the color though, I got golden beigh 03. The self included brush was better than my e.l.f total face brush but of course 100 times lousier than the rela kabuki. It was kind of small and bristles were a little hard and stiff but still softer than the e.l.f total face brush.

I hate the packaging. Same goes for Revlon Mineral ColorStay.

I mean, whoever packed these are NOT user friendly at all. Just stick to how it was meant to be used damn it! Not include a weird brush on top or elf cap on top and made it so tiny. I used the brush from Loreal as a blush brush instead. It works pretty well ;D

Not going to eat MacDonald Fries

2008-10-07T22:31:00.001+08:00

Mcdonalds Food - video powered by Metacafe

Ever Again

Gold Award Ceremony

2008-10-07T22:02:00.010+08:00

Yup, the best thing my mom could take when I was shaking hands with the president.
I totally need to scan in the article of me on Strait Times. :( Boo Hoo I got no scanner.

My ever happy family - aaron. lol Poor him. He was having his N-levels.

Jennifer is so pretty :) and some guy i don't know. Ahh probably from GAHA.

Well, badge collected, what's next for me? I don't know.

I shall try to be active in GAHA I guess. Life goes on. . .

Miss my daddy so much; wonder what he's thinking right now. Will he be proud of me like he use to?

When I was sitting on the seats, waiting for our turns, all I could think of was my father and how this is going to make him pleased. I could only think of my family and my sweetheart. Hunnie said he was so proud of me.

Even though the entire day did not turn our as calmly as expected, with a bit of panicking here and there, the day was perfect.
Everyone I love was around me and happy together. ^_^
Wish these days last forever and ever and ever.

KaaaBukiiii

2008-10-02T23:03:00.004+08:00

Went to school to collect my blazer for NYAA Gold Award ceremony today. Thought I would just pop by The BodyShop to see how their new range of my favourite minerals are doing (I went there to get some yesterday and it wasn't on sale yet!). I decided to get my hands on a Kabuki brush!

AND ITS ALL MINE!!!!

It is like THE softest thing that ever touched on my face! I love love love it so much!

It picks powder fine, both my Loreal True Match Minerals and Joppa Full Coverage Minerals SO well. and It Blends like.. abcdefg >.<>

The distribution was very even and smooth. Mineral foundation has never been easier! I simply love and adore this brush! and it is ALL MINE! >.<

Pricing: $33.20 SGD - All bodyshop outlets

Rating: 9.5/10 (0.5 for the hefty price tag)

Then I strolled along John Little, tee laa laa~~

well, I had always loved french manicures but never really have the time to do them on my own fingers. But I figured, hmm, well I might as well do it tonight since I've got nothing to do.

And then I bought a tiny cute bottle of Couleur Inc nail color in Snow White (65).

It says Kwik Drying (why can't they spell Quick?) and Long Lasting.

The colors aren't as thick as my previous whites so I am going to make this brand my little favourite for now.

It is a little more expensive (when I say a little - REALLY MEANS A LITTLE) than drugstore brands - like Fuso but I am sure the quality matters, because I HATE FUSO! ($2.50)

The consistency of it is so much better. And it is less thicker.

What I like about it was that it was a cute tiny bottle, and the brush was small yet big enough for my noobie frenchie!

And voila~ here is what I came up with! My 3rd time - self french manicure.

What I did was to use transparent tapes to tape around my fingers and paint only the top parts. It is so so so much cheaper than buying the pre-made templates which can cost like $6.50 for 20 strips. Using tape (around your house if you could find) is totally FREE!

After 2 coats and drying time- finish with a Sally Hansen Hard as Warps Top Coat. Easily Done. I know it is a little noobie but I am quite pleased with the results this time. The other 2 times were disasterous! Lol.

The Couleur Nail Polish Remover is quite nice too. Retails at SGD$4.00 at John Little outlets.

Nail Colors range from SGD$4.30 to $4.90. Mine was $4.90 due to the slightly larger bottle.

Well, really please with my purchase today.

KABUKIIII~

Formula One

2008-09-29T19:15:00.003+08:00

The Formula One was a great event I admit. =P Lots of complain though! Thought I post some pics ^_^ Love the people I was working with. Made new friends and old!

I am seriously proud of my name tag lol. I was still wearing it when I was on the bus and some woman was like, hey your name tag. So i removed! WHAT IS WRONG WITH WEARING A NAME TAG? -,-'
ERM? HELLO?

Dig the blue, supermarket ladies

Hey love you Nell ^_^

Smooches

Sorry I cut you off shadirah lol

I love NYAA!

2008-09-24T00:44:00.000+08:00

I think NYAA is a very cool organization <3
Because not only I get to be their emcee at some events, but I get to see all the ultra cool and important people!
Like the British High Commissioner to Singapore, His Excellency Paul Madden, and people.

These are my ultra cool friends at the NYAA Council!
Eugene Tan, Jennifer and Chris! Both are the newest addition to the family!

Can't believe I am going to receive my gold award this coming octocber the 3rd! =P Shaking hands with Mr. President :D

They are so cool, and talkative-like me lol. ^_^

Interesting ^^ WHO SAID GOVERMENT ORGANIZATIONS WERE BORING?

happy happy

2008-09-24T00:28:00.000+08:00

Finally my Skin79 BB Cream and Joppa Samples arrived.
OMG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

This is my Super Beblesh Balm Triple Function BB cream.
At first applicant, it might look kinda of ashy, but wait like -totally!- awesome minute and every BLENDS in and sit on your skin so WELL! lol. Well, for 40grams bottle, it is kind of expensive. Must thank my laogong so much for getting this for me! T.T

Now to get even more perfect skin, USE MINERAL FOUNDATION!
I swear this can't get any better. LOL. So in love with mineral foundations now.

Whenever I leave for class or a long day, it gets totally humid in Singapore and stuff, the makeup WILL melt (of course -,-") and like - all my previous foundations, will turn sort of cakey and weird. But this miracle... :] Sigh <3 Why didn't anyone invented this earlier. I want to get the entire range of Joppa minerals now. BUT SO OUT OF $$

Anyone got a any jobs for me :(

Joppa sent me 2 tiny containers of 2 different foundation shades, 1 finish container, 2 tiny packets of blushers + concealer.
I mixed all the foundation and finish into one jar. So nice shade. >.<

I chose Dewy as my finish and my face literally glows without the very oily or messy look and feel.

It is so much better than my e.l.f one. It was kinda of too much - not very light. But I love Joppa minerals <3 Sigh, I want the entire collection now.

Just bought a flat iron today. Chuoa says WIGO is good. I don't know! I bought a Jose(Pronounced -Joe-SAY) Eber's signature turmoline flat iron -

Hope it works very well. :] I don't know. ^_^ Testing testing. Thanks laogong for getting it for me <3

Lots of things

2008-09-22T13:27:00.001+08:00

I want to write about lots of stuff, but like, totally need to list them down because they thoughts are kind of fragile and keeps disappearing!!!!

Sigh - about grades, about NYAA, about jobs. what esle! hmM~

Asian - Americans?

2008-09-13T18:42:00.003+08:00

i was reading reading reading while my boyfriend went to bed - asian beauties :] and american beauties.

Article One

Article Two

Article Three

I got these links from from this babe called - hellokittiekittie doing the ulzzang look. lol cute.

Well, what is the obsession with americanised looks anyway. i mean, asians are so pretty. ALREADY!

oh yeah, first let us define asian -,- stupid i know. but many people still think that asians are chinese, koreans and japanese. to some extent, the smarter ones (but not so smart in my opinion) say filipinos and vietmanese. but what about the malays, the indians? and the other races? lol. what are they? :]

First up, asians comes in all colors, shades, sizes and physique. not all the small, tiny and small eyed. Or, single eyelid-ed, super fair with yellow undertones. it is just pure stereotyping.

honestly, i believe everyone is beautiful. they are born that way. it all depends if you take care of yourself, enhance your features, or just let be be "au naturel". i don't know. i haven't seen an ugly person before. even if i do, i will send her/him to me. i will do a literally free makeover.

you see i was reading another article on mix parentage. they say that the kids they produce are kinda unique. interestingly most are beautiful.

i am so proud of my asian - asian parentage. mom's a pure thai, and dad is mixed (long time ago - indonesian) chinese blood. i know i am vain !! yes yes, but i am not praising myself or saying i am beautiful. it is just that i am very comfortable in my own skin thank you. (maybe a sharper nose) xD

Here lies the faces of da "ASIAN - ASIAN "

Ice Ice Ice

2008-09-13T12:11:00.003+08:00

Some pictures of me on ice before the ice closes down in October for rennovations.

i so so so love figure skating. i want proper lessons :(

my pretty skates

backwards crossover ^_^

into the forward spiral

my disrupted sitspin

finally, the t-stop

Skin79

2008-09-11T09:27:00.002+08:00

I swear I am going to get my hands on some of those as long as i finding robbing the bank :]

or some wonderful people gives me a job. or something like - get shortlisted? lol for an interview, and i wow them with my stupid braincells. :D

or whatever. I WANT

BB CREAM CREAM CREAM

BB CREAM CREAM CREAM :(

- Missing Bamboo -

2008-09-10T12:59:00.004+08:00

I miss my bamboo - don't know where he disappeared to. did not return my messages either. getting worried now. well. :( sigh

discovered his beautiful lady. wow she's gorgeous@!!!@!@

she's so lucky she's blessed with good looks and skin. :) happy for her!

Don't know what's her name. But i love her talent :) yummy. my new inspiration

Joppa Minerals

2008-09-09T16:31:00.002+08:00

i was became obbessssseeseeddddd with minerals foundations AGAIN!

was browsing through the web so i googled "best mineral foundation". lots of reviews and blah blah - bare essentials minerals (by bare escentuals or something) and blah blah. then i noticed a brand called "joppa minerals". so many people were reviewing and telling me how much they love it! So, i decided to get some of it!!! interestingly, the website looks kind of decent and all, but the way their ingredients appeal to me, is far beyond the bare essentials ones.

well, anyway i ordered their sample kit. cost me the shipping + a penny. So, it kinda cost me $15.51 USD on global priority mail. :] really looking forward to it!!!!!

http://www.joppaminerals.com/home.html

I so want to get the Fasio mascara. >.<>

Love :]

2008-09-09T10:42:00.005+08:00

all the bits and pieces about falling in love is both must give and take. one cannot simply push push or simply give in too much. hard. i need control and really someone to tame me. hmm. i am kinda wild so pleaseeee!! >.<

i heard this story for a while now. i am going to write it down to remind myself.

once there live a smoker, (you know how they tend to age in health faster than non-smokers as they grow older). he met this girl. loved her very much and so on. blah blah blah

after they got married, he stop smoking readily. and began to live a healthy lifestyle. can you guess why he did that? because his wifey asked him?

nope.

it was actually because he realised that he did not want his wife to grieve for him when he die because of his poor health. instead, he wanted to get on to the next phase of life after his wife had passed on. this will not make her lonely when he's gone. but he will suffer instead because she would be gone before him. lovely isn't it? i wonder if these kind of selfless love still exist.

when i told this story to my mother, she said maybe daddy didn't (jokingly) love her.

i wonder if my laogong loves me like that too?

i dont know. i need an attitude adjustment. i kept having negative thoughts about something. zzz

what do i fear?

pain? rejection? failure? or simply fearing that i will fear when the time comes.

it is so hard :] to go through all of these alone. mother cannnot understand me. best friends are not best enough. have no sisters to share everything. lets face it. i have no other me.

looking at enna and jes, cornie and sheryl, lol they are like two peas in a pod! but what about me?im the lone ranger! weeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ya right. i got no one to discuss fashion tips because my besties don't use make up. i can't gossip to her about guys because her boyfriend (and mine) would kill her. argh well and we can't always go out because she is working. whereas for the loveable me, i am at home, rotting, hoping for money to fall from the sky and looking for a job which will allow me to use my freaking brains.

i tell you about that salesgirl job. lol. for the first time in my life, i felt so restricted. it was like i was SO supressed and cannot do anything about it. i was merely a robot. standing at the guy laroche and elle bags looking like a utter dumb dumb. i wanted a job which can make me exercise both my mental and physical capabilities. Make me use my brains or something. i was like an idiot waiting for people to buy my bags. maybe other people can find thrills in a sales job, but not me. anyway, i don't think i would want to work at as salesgirl before. besides, the next day i woke up, i could hardly move my shoulders lol. all frozen. brrrr

i do hope someone hire me soon. i kinda like my resume :] its not astonishingly impressive but at least it's something. all the awards and experience. oh well! :]

a piece of great news! i will be receiveing my officially National Youth Achievement Award Council's GOLD Award on the 3rd of Octocber by Mr. President SR Nathan himself :] wee at Simei ITE. (Why the hell so far?)

And I need to go for the orientation on the 28th of September, but I can't make it. because.. of..

THE F1 EVENT! i am doing duty as the customer service officer (paddock) thingie. they said i will deal with VIPS :D

Can't wait. it's gonna be a blast!

oH, wow, in my 15 years I have lived in singapore, i discovered (with joanna) the thrills of FAR EAST PLAZA. Despite being there so a many times and cannot find anything cheap! I bought 3 belts and 3 earrings all for 15 bucks. Cheap! weeee

I shall pester my mother to go with me! BANKRUPT at the moment!

I go so much more to write lol. bleah~ i'll write later. hunnie's back from cooking.

Here and There

2008-09-09T10:42:00.002+08:00

FK U BLOGGER. ZZZ EVERYTIME MY GAMING MOUSE CLICKS ON REVERSE BY ACCIDENT, YOU LOOSE MY ENTIRE POST. NOW I GOT NO MOOD TO TYPE MY 1000 WORDS POST ZZZZZZ

Help

2008-08-28T19:15:00.000+08:00

How to you create an online portfolio? o.o wonders

For the Sake of Sakes

2008-08-17T17:38:00.000+08:00

Hi MYSELF!

O.O Randomness

2008-08-09T13:18:00.002+08:00

Somethings I think too much.

Perhaps I got this trait from my mother

or father.

But I guess my mother thinks more because of what is happening around her?

Anyway, school is FINALLY almost over.

Being around with my hunnie makes me feel happy at times but sometimes I feel awkward.

I don't know but it feels weird but then again, I feel so loved and happy and complete.

When I spoke to my mother yesterday, she said my life decisions are mine to make.

She said choose wisely and don't FOLLOW TRENDS. That is what my hunnie would probably say because he always tells me he doesn't like "FOLLOWINGS TRENDS". Despite both their similarites, I find it hard to "NOT FOLLOW TRENDS" because I have always lived in Singapore where everyone do whatever they want to follow, but I don't like to follow trends too but when it comes to traditions, I like them because I find them totally sweet, romantic and something esle.

Anyway, to sum everything up today, I want to say, I love my baby!!! muacks

Emos

2008-08-09T13:15:00.001+08:00

what are emos?

people who are emotional? Or people to are trying to be emotional?

Crazy Time

2008-08-01T19:12:00.003+08:00

Wooah~ so much had happened. Have been so busy with final year project all these while and lots of a lot of a lot of (procasination) work. :] I always forget what I am suppose to do.

Gosh I am so lazy to upload pictures. I am really envy of some people who can constantly update their blog. I cannot find the committment to. :(

K, off to bed now.

The female geek

2008-05-19T11:26:00.004+08:00

:D Enjoying myself in front of the monitor, the geek of my house, but who cares =P aka VAINPOT

Space, Time, Distance

2008-05-19T10:44:00.003+08:00

The trouble with space, time and distance is it makes people drift apart. It makes relationships become more and more unstable, obstacle-ful, merciless-ful.

It makes people find shelter and comfort and fun in someone esle when the he cannot fulfil the simplicality she asked for. It makes her yearn for more love, for more warmth, for more attention. Nevertheless, that is what she cannot get from him.

Why must she continue to torture herself? And live with it, simply because of the emotions and attraction she felt towards him?

Or maybe it is because of all the space she is giving him, that he is drifting further and further away. Does this silly one knows that the further he drifts, the harder it would be to pull him back?

Or is it the time that makes them feel that no one is there? All the times and devotion she gave to him was not enough for him to give it back? Or maybe in his course of work that pulled him away from her?

Perhaps it was the distance? That drove her insane because of the countless seas and oceans that was between them? Making her so hard to feel the warm and touch he was to give.

Yes, she can continue to love him, on and on. But for how long?

This is my lament.

Nobody's Home

2008-05-12T11:05:00.004+08:00

You have to be firm and strong inside, it is the only way. The only fight left in the real world. Your heart have to be hard and black, you have to be strong, stronger than yesterday to face today. The only way through this troubled times is to fight back, and not run away from it. You have to stand up and fight, even though you die in the end, you know you have fought enough. No one is there to stop you from fighting but there will be people who stop you from going to where you are headed. Then you must fight even harder, fight even more. Bleed and fall down, but stand up quickly, because the enemy is not going to give you time to regain your composure. You must hasten your blows and stand up tall and fight back. We must fight for ourselves, not for freedom, not for love, not for peace, but save our own souls before we even fight more.

Life is all about fighting. Fighting to become you want to be, not who you are destined to be. Being the strongest, it is the only way. You have no other alternatives. You have no choice. You have no chance.

Having a darken heart, it is the only way.

Soon I might dead, but I do not even care, I do not care, I do not care. As long as I know, I have fought for what I live for, then I am at peace. Life is such a struggle, an irony. I used to think that life was a breeze, so easy to go and past. But I was wrong. Life is all about fighting. Am I thinking right? I do not care, as long as I can fight.

There are people in the house, there are lives, but in reality, there is nobody home in my heart.There is no one alive. No souls to understand what I am going through, because there are no two souls like mine. My soul will forever be floating and adrift somewhere out there and probably set ablaze by the fires of my own heart. I am disturbed, depressed and finding myself. 19 is too young a age to be going through all of these. Sometimes I love my mental capability, sometimes I despise it. It thinks terrible thoughts, thoughts that are too terrible to be described. I deserve a place at the mental instituition then? One cannot deny my place there if you have had a guided tour of my neuro-connections, passing on a ferry shipped to my core center.

Well, it has certainly made me feel better, writing everything down in letters because only in my writing that I understood myself. How do you save someone who is always fighting?

My May - June

2008-05-12T08:55:00.002+08:00

It has been like 4 months? since my dad departed. I miss him dearly. Sometimes, words are not enough to describe who my heart really cringes and ache. The pain is so "painful". Sigh..

Looking forward to my Cambodian teaching trip. It's kind of cool I suppose. I get to teach hotel students instead of digging trenches or building irrigation canals. I need to bring my, of course, my camera <3 and phone. Otherwise, I would be stuck in the middle of no where. I am planning a pre-cambodia shopping trip with my mom and girls, get sleeping bags and sutff. Can't wait.

Since I am holding a Thai passport, GOOD GRACIOUS, I need to purchase a ridiculous USD25 Visa for entry. Sobs, there goes my meals. I mean why can countries like Singapore, Malaysia and Philipines gain access to Cambodia without needing Visa? I suppose they still hate us Thais for claming Angkor Wat to be ours? But I shan't pursue the matter. Mom was considering me for a change of citizenship. No way, I SO love Thailand, despite all the losers that roam the streets. I love my King, my flag, my shopping centers and my loves who are living there. Like no way I am giving up my citizenship just like that. Unless well, I get to married to my *ahem* of course, then maybe I can hold dual - citizenships =P hehehehhehehe

Anyway, so many assignments due this month. Need to rush up a little bit. Back to designing T-Shirts for the trip.

My Secret Garden Again

2008-05-12T08:51:00.003+08:00

Seriously, it flows and looks better on a centralised formating. Unfortunately dummie blogspot finds some broken chains of HTML and screwed it up.

My Secret Garden

I have a secret garden
untouched by human hands
locked by thorns
surrounding the gates
behind the doors of
my secret garden

I have a secret garden
which blooms white roses
and flows red blood
like a little stream
carries love-hate lies
behind the doors of
my secret garden

I have a secret garden
pure and white leaves
stretches her flaps
and wrapping around
the only one crying tree
in the middle of the roses
behind the doors of
my secret garden

I have a secret garden
hurt by voices in the air
that the wind sometimes bring
the roses would frown
and chant a tune to overshadow
the noise which hurts my soul, all
behind the doors of
my secret garden

No one has found the
tiny key to
my secret garden

No one ever will,
because I hid it deep
beneath skin and bones,
etched the only map portrait
of my secret garden
on none
but only where it hurts the most.
My Heart.

My Secret Garden

2008-05-07T14:15:00.010+08:00

i have certainly not written any poetry for a long while, well since literature classes i suppose. i happen to chance upon a muse today. it was refreshing, to let my thoughts come out as it is. for some reason, it is kind of like a goth-ed theme. i don't know :D

*********** BLOGGER HAS SOME FKED UP FORMATING SYSTEM..

Posting again after sometime........

STILL NOT WORKING

Come Home

2008-05-07T14:06:00.002+08:00

I am a person who is very - versed in words, and literally. I decided to write another song, and its completion date is of course today. :D

this one is called Come Home. it is more personal than the first one, because this one contains more emotions and the mention of my family members clearly define who i am talkin about.

Come Home
Written and Produced by Ena
Produced by Little Sunshine House Productions

as time drifts along
tears fall down endlessly
never thinking again,
all died away
never to see you again,
never to hear you again.

why did you have to go?
why did you have to go so soon?
when are you coming home daddy?
little nana is waiting
and mummy and aaron dear
when are you coming home?
daddy, come home now

and i'll soon be gone on a jumbo plane
far far from where we used to play.
couldn't bear to leave this place
but soon i have to go away
and i know i can never see you
even if i come back again

why did you have to go?
why did you have to go so soon?
when are you coming home daddy?
little nana is waiting
and mummy and aaron dear
when are you coming home?
daddy, come home now

Oh my father, the flowers
won't ever bloom, ever again.
i want to hear the sounds of
your gentle steps once more

why did you have to go?
why did you have to go so soon?
when are you coming home daddy?
little nana is waiting
and mummy and aaron dear
when are you coming home?
daddy, come home now

When will we be home, together again?

Yay

2008-05-06T22:05:00.003+08:00

yay, i finally managed to extract the winrar files containing pics1 set to my computer. unfortunately couldn't do so previously because it was jamming up the laptop. uploaded the lot in my pictures on picasa incase i lose them again.

z.z got a real pathetic grade for writing for the media today, terrible. i should check on my work next time rather than finish and hand in :(

looking forward to tomorrow's blood donation and cambodian trip briefing. so tired now, doing part 4 of the economic assignment, and researching for my research paper. this semester might be dead tiring somedays, but absolutely fun.

oh yeah, i need to call adobe corps VERY soon if i want to intern at their company. just for 12 weeks please, would you hire me? pretty please =P

Blogspot screwed

2008-05-05T20:38:00.002+08:00

what the hell happened to my formattings and colors? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and keep error in publishing and uploading. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
what are you doing ?!>!>!>!>>!>!>!>>!@>?!>@#>!?@>#?>!@#

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marvelous thing

2008-05-04T21:04:00.002+08:00

need i say more?

Storm Passing Over

2008-05-04T20:11:00.004+08:00

Storm Passing Over Written by Ena

starting up the car
turn the sterring wheel
all the way downhill, down the busy road
a left turn about
right at the gates, every single day

but now i've got no one
no one to take me there

its raining here

when will the storm be over
when will i wakeup from the this dream
how long have i been here
i don't know, i don't know
when are you coming back home?

i took the bus again
starring out my window
saw the little lane
that we past through each day
then i would remember
how you and i would go up, and down the hill

now my tears keep falling falling falling

because now i've got no one
no one to take me there

it's raining here

when will the storm be passing over
when will i wake up from this dream
how long have i been here
i don't know, i don't know
when are you coming back home?

oh what is this feeling of lost and illusions
who's gonna shelter me from the rain
who's gonna give me the keys to my life

now that you're gone

oh when will the storm be passing over
when will i wake up from this dream
how long have i been here
i don't know, i don't know
when are you coming back home?

Life's fucking retards

2008-05-04T19:49:00.003+08:00

picture of me with big hair, i think it looks retarded. lol

a few days ago, i wrote two songs, i am going to upload the lyrics the next post.
now i want to share with you this song which totally i can relate to right now. its really sad for me, but describes how i feel and am in right now.

Avril Lavigne Nobody's Home

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

retarded life i've got. full of bullshit, lots of fucked up lines, lots of hurt, lots of tears.
why can't you even show empathy?

i love my family

2008-04-29T21:50:00.004+08:00

I want to sing this to you right now daddy.

Moonlight high above the trees
Such a peaceful night it is
By myself I’m sitting here
the memories are clear
of love I never could reveal

There’s a gentle swaying breeze
while my eyes are filled with tears
All the things you couldn’t see
the love that I still feel
I never thought you’d ever leave

Chorus

Silently through all the years
my heart aches 'cause you’re not here
Took for granted you’d be there
I never showed I cared
and now you’re only in my dreams
All the time could never heal
What I’ve lost and what I feel
You were taken far away
and now it’s just too late
and fate has sealed my destiny

Sadness cuts my heart so deep
What a life it could’ve been
By myself in disbelief with misery and grief
this never was supposed to be

Twilight glimmers in the stream
Soon another day begins
Wishing you were here with me
to share new memories
and all the secrets that I keep

Chorus

Nothing more

2008-04-29T21:39:00.002+08:00

sometimes when i sit alone, i began to start thinking again. it's impossible not to think. otherwise at times, when i am distracted by other things, i would probably be thinking that my father is still at work. and at 8.30pm he would be back from work. mom would probably cook by then, then i would know we are a whole complete family again, everyone safe and sound.

so i wait, everyday. at 8.30pm, when will my daddy be coming home. then it occurred to me. my beloved daddy won't be home anymore. neither will he ever come back for dinner. by then, i would be sobbing hard. so hard that i feel so weak. no one can really understand what i am going through. my mother has me to confine to, but who have i to confine to? is it my choice that i do not want to share how i feel with my mother? well, partly, because it is sort of uncomfortable. i want to share with someone i feel so close to, someone my age who thinks i am silly and yet cries with me. telling my mom would hurt her even more. i don't want her to be any sadder than she is already. sometimes i wish i had a boyfriend beside me, so i can cuddle and cry. sometimes i wish we were so near to each other that i can maybe forget all the troubles i have. but how could i? someone i love is on the other side of the globe. how impossible for him to be next to me.

the only choice i have left is to pray to God, and to write it down... because maybe sometimes words best express how i feel deep down inside.

my approach to life has always been fairly simple : Embrace it as it comes.

i reckon that is exactly want i will do and have to do.

Sadness Defined

2008-04-29T21:25:00.004+08:00

everyday is a day of sorrow. sorrowful, unexpressed, all hidden inside my reflections which mirrors on to nothing but my soul.

i really miss him. i miss him so much. every night i cried. every train ride to school, saw the road that he used to drive me to school, i cried. everytime i see families with fathers, i cry again.

i can never stop crying. i know crying won't bring him back to me, but it helps me relive the pain that i have inside of me, for a temporary while of course.

such grief is - causing my throat to hurt, my heart to ache and my legs like loose strings. i miss my papa so much. why why why must this happen to me?

i wont be able to walk down the aisle with my father when i get married.
my daddy won't be able to carry his grandchildren. my daddy won't be able the first class hotel that i promised to take him to. my daddy won't be able to see germany's beautiful landscape anymore. daddy won't be able to teach me to drive my first car. daddy won't be able to see me graduate. daddy won't be able to see me pass my 21st birthday where he said he will entitle me my freedom. my daddy won't be able to hear me sing to him again. i cannot introduce more new food for my daddy again.

i cannot swallow, it hurts, a part of me has died. i want my daddy back.

daddy was near perfect. selfless, generous, chivalrous, full of valor, love, passion, the most perfect father no one can ever replace.

sometimes i want to stop crying at night, but it's impossible. nothing but my daddy's happiness and sorrows come into my head. i want to remember him forever.

i love you daddy, and there is nothing i won't do to have you back with me.

Sad Tidings?

2008-03-25T13:16:00.003+08:00

Why there must always be sad things in life? Why can't they stop themselves from existing?

You know, the more heart and soul you put into someone, the more he sees the little value of it, the more hurt and sorrow you will get.

I guess, my happy times on this earth are over. Here comes the sad and troubled period. I know myself. I can feel it. Everything I do is never enough. Because no one can ever understand me enough. Is my love not enough? Is my faith and loyalty not enough? What more do you want?

I have given you everything. Big and small. Whatever you wish for, I tries hard to do it. But what do I get in return? I want nothing. I want nothing. I desire nothing. I desire nothing.

Life's sweet joys are a past now. What looms ahead of me is a weave of nothing more than sheer agony. And frustrations. And pain. And suffering.

Is it so hard to find someone who can love me for who I am, and understand me for what I am. And takes pains and trouble to help me as I struggle through the different obstacles of my life? Is it hard for them to accept me into their lives and allow me to knit my life into theirs?

You know how much I would do for you. Thats all I can give to you. If you want my life, then its yours. But please take away all the doubts, sadness, sorrows and pain. I can bear it no longer.

Daddy

2008-03-20T18:36:00.000+08:00

I miss my daddy so much. So much. So much.

Daddy I love you.

2007-05-14T21:19:00.000+08:00

Kelly Clarkson - To Make You Feel My Love lyrics and a montage of Katherine McPhee.

I feel that this song describes how I feel right now about him.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

Oohhhh ohhohh

The storms of rage are rolling wild and free
Down that highway of regret
The wind of change is blowing wild and free
But you aint seen nothing like me yet

There aint nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the end of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

The hottest songs from Kelly Clarkson

My String of thoughts...

2007-05-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

sigh, i am here to record my fragile string of thoughts that seem to disappear so quickly as they come.

sometimes i wished that i had never met him. when i was searching for someone, i must be able to comfort in him and he must listen to me wholeheartedly, regardless of time, regardless of whatever. he must be able to make me smile all the time and i must not feel hurt. however, u thought i could find all these in him, but as you can see, i was wrong. loving him was the most WRONG thing i ever did. that is because, he hurt my heart after stealing it, and it was maybe because of circumstances that he is not able to fulfil what i desire the most, yet i gave him many chances.

and now i take my chances and i want to get away from him as far as possible. it is so hard. when you love someone so much without knowing why and you have to forget you ever know him. it is so hard. i feel much aches in my heart. i may be silly, i may be guillable, but my love for him is true.

sometimes i feel that i could replace her, but then again, i can never do that. seeing the way he used to treat her and how he treats me now, he treats me like a younger sister, a child. i guess he can never call or would never call me what i want to hear. yes he broke a lot of promises to me. sometimes it was circumstances that forbade us, but please at least try to admend for it. i have done everything in this world for him. if he wants it, i would do it. as long as he is smiling. i want to be part of his life and relief some of his burden that he is carrying. but as much as i integreted his life into mine, i feel he has not yet put me in to his. so am i feeling this only? am i so stupid to love him when he DOESNT LOVE ME AT ALL?

i cry in my heart whenever i think of things like that. at times i try not to think about it. but one can not deny the facts that are happening. i turned down benjamin again, and xxxx and xx and xxxx and some others i don't want to mention because i feel that i have him in my heart. but i doubt he has me. i doubt he has me.

benjamin is asking me for coffee again. i do not know if i should go. i feel so lost and confused. so many people are nice to me, and i feel bad for turning them down. i guess i am just too soft. so many questions remain. should i get on with my real life? i am now like a floating piece of feather. no one to hold on to, no one to hold me close, and i feel so cold. i shiver at such teenage life, but then again, i think it is part of a growing life.

i do want the pain to go away. i do love him so much. but i do want him to be happy. but if he is happier without me, i will disappear.

i would go to the ends of the earth for him. i would reach for anything he wants. but if this is what he wants, then i know what i must do.

but please, take away my state of confusion and sadness. i think i deserve better.

Well, part and parcel

2007-04-10T00:54:00.000+08:00

sigh, he said i was lazy today. but what does he know. he does not know how much i put effort in leveling, just because i did not want to level with redwind or meg today? does that mean i am lazy? i have been gaining 30% a day and i am proud of it. it is because i am sick today that i cannot play for long? i tell people that i can not sit for very long, but it is only for them to underestimate me, but him of all people thinks i am lazy...

all the time that he is online is because i want to be near him, i want to talk to him. once he goes to sleep everyday, i go and level none stop. i am scolded my my mother and my father because of these game thing. i can not continue this for long. my father wants to kill me everytime i start clicking on the comp.

sigh~ i still think he treats me like a little child, ke lian de hai zi... well he told me he is going to new york city next week, all the best for him.

i am stupid foolish stubborn ignorant ._. because i loved soneone

sweetheart

2007-04-10T00:53:00.000+08:00

sigh, there so many things which i am unsure of... really... so many...

you know he used to tell me before, how he sets out his time, 2 hours for his girl, 2 hours for his homework and 2 hours for his play. but now, i guess i am not as important as her. since whenever he gets back home, he would say he is tired, then after a few seconds, he would load mh.. ye that's the end. the kind of conversation we have everyday/ or more like once every 3-4 days. he told me before i was better than her in a lot of ways, but that does not mean that he liked me more than her..

is it only my wilful thinking that we have the same level of mutual understanding and love? when someone asked him does he love me, he asked the person to define love.. i try to be as understanding everyday, i tried everything.. but how does he respond? i guess he doesn't know. i guess he will never know.

i know i can never replace her, but what am i thinking? why do i always compare myself with her?
is it because he once told me that she was the image of a perfect girl for him? sigh,
all these thinkings and aches are certainly taking a toll on me. i have never felt so much pain for a guy, usually, i would just, go away kind of thing, or i don't really care.

what should i do? what should i do?

i do not like hurting myself, but i am sad. almost teary. for a guy, is it worth it?

i try to appear cheery to him when ever i talk to him, but i guess he doesn't know.
i guess i am too soft, i know she was harsh and strict, but i am soft and i do not know how to get angry, has he taken this to his advantage? i hate myself now, for feeling so much about him. i want to do everything for him, like a good and obedient girl, i know i am traditional, not headstrong nor frank.

bah, maybe i should stop guessing,
i would have given up on him a long time because i am so sick of hurting myself, i guess with all the encouragement i received from miss maggie let me on and i stayed the same way....

how can i stop myself from crying in my heart?

^_^

2007-02-28T08:40:00.000+08:00

Sigh~ another day at shopping~ with mom~ . Spent like I-DUNO how much~ -.-"

well~ I haven't seen him for like close to 4 days already. Sigh~ maybe I should stop thinking all these because ... z.z. I don't know. Sigh~

Bought 3 new shirts~ 3 new jeans~ and lemme see~ what esle~ crazy mother~ she thinks I won't have enough clothes when school reopens. Well, can't blame her, I hate buying clothes~ either they don't fit me or they are TOTALLY U.G.LY.. Man these Singaporeans are alll sizes XS and S or like my friend~ XXS. Sometimes I feel like a giant with L lol~ oh well, but I don't care~ sizes or models won't make me change how I feel about myself. Got to stand up to conventions sometimes. ^_~

Having breakfast right now~ ^_~ so bored and bored and bored.

Oh and I bought a few web programming books like J++ Visuals, JavaScript HTML and stuff so that I can help him do his HTML work better. When it comes to Java or XML, I am lost. Those books... are calling me now.. READ ME! it shouts~ >.< Yikes~

I really want him to do well. Ah~ ^_~ seeing his name online on MSN makes me want to talk to him. But ~ I don't want to. I think he is busy anyway~ don't want to disrupt his activities. Anyway~ saw him AFK ingame vending.

Ja Ne Desu Ka~

©Enny

All Fatty Now~ T.T

2007-02-24T11:38:00.000+08:00

Hmm~ went to a restaurant called Hunan Restaurant~ The Yusheng~ >
New year dish~ where you have to toss it ~ the higher you go
the more luck and propersity you get I guess~ well that's their belief anyway~ ^_~ I just have to go along with it~~

Man, the second dish was this 4 sides appetizer~ one was fried eel~
was great~ the galic chicken~ or pork whatever~ was OMIGOSH~
freaking spicy~ EEEEUUU~ I hate garlicz~~~ -.- come on~ I am
not some vampire you got to repell off~ -.-" and the chicken chops were super xxxx~
taste, guess I will make a very
bad food host then~ ah well whatever~ ^_~> I finally know why
the dishes were all super spicy and sweet and sour~ -.-"
because they were all Sichun dishes~ renowned for their
spicy spicy spicy food~ God Help Me~ they put like ~ what
I think was half a bottle of black pepper into the Shark's
Fin soup~ even though I swore I wouldn't eat any abused
animal~ for me~ and guess what~ I can take any kind of chili
but DON'T ever give me pepper~ I hate those~ makes my throat
all funny and weird~

I thought the second last course which was the Hokkien
noodles was great~it was a vegetarian dish~
and and ~ I had Tang Yuans for dessert~ but it was funny~
you know~ the way they cooked it~
kind of weird for my liking~

haha~

well~ reached home at about 12 am~ so tired and dozed off~
was planning to wake up and wish someone good luck for
his exam today~ but I figured he left for school already~
ah well~ unlucky me~ guessed the yusheng didn't help one bit~

>.<

Neverwinter Nights 2 arrived just now~ yay! Thanks a lot
sweetie~ =) kekeke~
and and ~ now, pulling my hair because I cannot figure out
how do I decrease the opacity of a table~ yes I have
done that to a picture~ but not a table~ dumb XHTML and CSS~ -.- driving me crazy~

Guess more reading later~ Cooking noodles now~ yummy~
I love this noodles~ gosh~ >.<

So~ how did your day went~ you look awfully quiet today~
=( Didn't even talk to me~ Something bothering you~?
You know~ you should post on this blog too you know~
since only the both of us reads it~ so so~ I would know
how your day went and all~ maybe you can help me
fulfil this wish of having a 2 way diary~ haha~
while Eion couldn't do it. =)

Have a great day/ night sweetie~ and and~ uhm -.-"
lemme go back to surping my noodles~ <33
Guess I see you soon then~? Ja Ne~

Darker Side

2007-02-16T03:27:00.000+08:00

Someone said this diary of mine is like a darker side of me.
Do I have a darker side?

No.

Everyone has their own way of channeling their everyday sorrows and feelings.
Mine's this way, I don't want to keep these fuzzy and sad feelings and emotions inside of me.

I need a way to "excret" them so I can live a happy and cheery life outside! ^_~ that's my secret to being so high everyday~ lol.

I know when I keep too many stuff inside me, I will ultimately hurt myself. Again.

Seems like I haven't learnt my lesson. Someone is bothering me again.

Sad. Hai~

@I noticed that my posts are becoming colorless. I guess I need more color in my life too. Its loosing vividness and vibrancy.

o.o sigh~

2007-02-15T20:23:00.000+08:00

Sigh~ another day which I expected to be wonderful 's hopes has been vanquished. Yes Vanquished. I am disappointed again. and again and again and again. sigh..

if u really want to know sweetie~

my mom said~

I shouldn't put my heart and soul into someone i just know over the internet, or anyone for that matter, whether real life too. I guess she is right then~ because I have been let down so many times.

@Edit~ well, I guess I really do that a lot. If I like someone, I would give them everything I got, It's weird again~ hai~ My mom is going to kill me again~
she asked me, (just now) to stop believeing in stuff which I know can never happen.
Can it really not happen?
Can it really be impossible?

I do want to to happen. Because.. because.. sigh~ because,
nevermind, I think too much.

But I cannot stop trusting you.
But I cannot stop putting hope in you.
But I cannot stop counting on you.

Because I think I am in love with you. =/

Sigh~ life's sad.

Mada Mada Dane actually means~ no, not yet.

Ja ne Desu Ka~ Good night~ imma turn in~ be back later.

Valentines =)

2007-02-15T09:28:00.000+08:00

Yay V day is here~ <33 Hope that he keeps his promise again~
I told him~ during the few hours~ keke

1. No MH~ ^_~
2. No other stuff like~ Chess~ -.-"
3. Talk to me ONLY!!!!!

wahahah~ I am still wondering what possible stuff we can talk about. Not sure though~ =/ well

I don't know.
O.O

I... will get him to sing for me too. ^_~

keke~ ye lemme brainstorm while I take a shower~ ^^ and and~ also~ <3 preparing for some guests arriving. -.-"

hmm.. I can't think of anything at this moment. >.<

Sob Sob ~

=)

2007-02-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

Gosh, each variation of my posts are so weird. Either day, one is sad, and the other reverse.

Hmm, guess Life's like that I guess.

Well, I am 90% into this "I Intend to Give Up Everything I Have Now and start afresh." thing~ but that 10% is dragging me back down. I really feel bad you know. I want to start things new and be an entirely new person. I won't be playing martial heroes anymore or any online games for all that matter, because a simple thing that was meant for leisure can hurt me so much.

I thought we had it going but I was wrong. I am Sorry to him. It's over, I guess. Once I have accumulated enough, and tolerated enough, there is no stopping me. I might be weird, but yes, thats me.

I guess I was never his main piority like he was mine. I guess ~ maybe I guess too much. Bye.

My sweetie~

2007-02-09T12:01:00.001+08:00

My sweetie~

Sweetie & Peachie~

2007-02-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

Uhm ok~ that sounded weird. kekeke~

well Peek a Boo o.o

Check~ I am happy. =) many reasons why~

KEKEK ~ him laaa~

He sent me The CUTEST PIC OF HIM I HAVE EVER SEEN, o.o ok~ wont show yet. Maybe later <3 It's my cellphone wallpaper now. keke

hai~

2007-02-02T18:38:00.000+08:00

I think I am lost..

And In denial.. I am so sorry I have to say that...

For someone I love so much.. I would do anything..
to get this love in return.. but I can not get it..

The vibes I have been getting.. he said.. Don't make me
feel guilty..

I was shocked, and devastated because I thought we had it all for each
other. I do not know what to say. I am, lost and confused.
Could he be lying to me all this while?

I.. am sorry~ but I think I have hurt myself too much.
I think I should give him up. I am lost.

Lost
Lost
Lost.

God help me. You have already sent an angel in grandma to
explain things to me. Let's hope you will speak to me through her again. I guess I am just his good friend. No where, even if I want
it to go somewhere. I am sorry,

me, for hurting my heart and deceiving myself over and over again.

I do not know what to believe anymore. I had to ask him
6 times for his number.

He gave reluctantly and said not to call him before 10... or was it after..
I don't know.
I don't
want to know.

You know how much that hurt me? It feels like, you don't
want to have anything to do with me.

Fine.. I don't know. Can you at least tell me something
that I want to know?

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING

Sigh~

hm~

2007-02-02T09:39:00.000+08:00

Sigh~ He's always so busy. =( =( =( =( =( I will never talk to him
again if he does not keep his 14 feb free like he promised.

o.o

sad.~ No want to make me smile when I am lonely. =(

Pervs

2007-02-01T13:02:00.000+08:00

Ah well, Singapore is full of pervs~ z.z ( well, I guess all
countries have their fair share~ )

Everywhere I go, I can sense old idiots starring at me. -.-
like yesterday~ I went to the bank~
and this old man~ kept starring at me. I felt like plucking
and poking into his eyes. I knew my
mom would do that is she was there. Too bad~ she's
enjoying some good old shopping in Thailand.

And just like 30 minutes ago~ some Indian man tried
to pretend to sleep and lean on my
shoulders~ gosh~ and kept starring at my boobs~ gosh~
these people.! What is the world coming to?

It is not like I am a model or anything~
hot and sexy and pretty and stuff.

geez~

Song~

2007-01-28T14:00:00.000+08:00

This song by Christina made me cry. o.o =(

Video <33

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

I love you daddy.. =)

keke~

2007-01-28T10:30:00.000+08:00

This was what I sent my sweetie~ =)

Ty sweetie~ idk wats wrong or why i am thanking uu~ maybe for the fun we had today~ ( we should have more of such~ fun)

but perhaps it was coz~ uu made things clearer for me. You brought me out from what I thought was self delusion~ <33 and it proved that it was not~ from my side. eventhough i still duno wat uuu wan~ gm is annoyed with ur consultation~ -.-

I had a nice talk with grandma today~ =) what she said was refreshing~

sigh~ can't believed i have fallen for uu~ uu know i never had expected this to happen? at all~ o.o keke~ well surprisingly it did~ =)
and ii am glad~ because it's the warmest and most loved feeling to be around with someone i can always share my thoughts and feelings and is most comfortable around with.. geez~ there i go~ writing an essay again~

remember the question uu asked me earlier~ if we are not to become wat we are to become~ can we remain brothers and sisters~ the truth
like wat gm had also said~ is no.. never~ wat had moved ahead cannot be crossed back~ the line is already drawn. But some how, i feel differently~ i gave uu my answer as such because uu are definitely someone I would never want to lose. be it as my love one~ my brother or my best friend~

well~ also~ u said that time was a factor in a relationship like ours~ <33~ but seriously~ if we put more effort in it~ time would always be avaliable~ =) so ii see no reason or excuse to deny ourselves of something we want~ ( or maybe I am the one wanting it~ -.- )

kekek~ uuu sooo cute~ ah well~

there is 1 more thing which touched meee so much about u out of the many~

wanna know~?

<33

make a guess~

u always said uur guesses are

always right~ ? o.o

kekek~

well

uu said to be before~

u are not as rich as eion~

nor as determined as manson

~but uu are uu~ <33 i fell for uu the way uu are.

okiee that really took me by surprise XD seriously~ =) but i am glad uu said that~coz it brought me back to reality~ =) away from my comfort zone~

and puhh leaaassee~ next time~ stop being nervous around me~ <33 i wannt uu 2 be urself~
i wan to capture every moment of it. =)

okiie~ 11.27 pm now~ imma go to sleep before RB~

Ty for today sweetie~ and take care ~ have fun in school~ uu owe me econs tutorial~ o.o

well, watever the outcome of urr consultation~ <33 i just want uu 2 know i very much look forward to this relationship of ours~ whether old or (i hope) new~ =)

=) muacks~ good night my dear one~ ^_~

love~ XXXX

Hope he understood the way I did. =)

I HATE MY LIFE

2007-01-23T15:33:00.000+08:00

Right, good news and bad news~

Good news~ = our group Video~ <3 3 for my school project.~ thanks ervina babe~ u rock.

and~ bad news~

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

Him

O.O

2007-01-23T02:24:00.000+08:00

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

Miss you.

a lot.

= (

=) take care. LJH

Right~

2007-01-22T10:13:00.000+08:00

I want everything back to where I left off.

Thank You.

Thank You for all the Fun you gave me, the smiles and the laughter, (",) and the headaches.

Thank you koko.

Should I just Give up?

2007-01-21T14:42:00.000+08:00

I am like so lost again~ OMG Love really hurts~ I don't know what
to do anymore.
I think maybe I should stop deceiving myself and continue life
when I left off.

I can not see hope when we have no time for each other, no
chance to understand each other.

Whenever I see him or talk to him, I get all moody and fed up
and kinda like annoyed that he
can't do what I expect him to, and I can't do what he expect me
to either. It is so hard, yet I can't believe
I fell for him.

Communication is the key~ right～but what kind of
communication we have if we don't
even see one another?

And when I sense his coldness as the days draw by?

I wish things were back to normal. I wish things were the same.
I do not have to fall for him
and I do not have to feel so much happiness whenever I see him.

me gustas ote quiero

Ye, glad he understood that~ perhaps that is how I felt towards him.

Perhaps even more.

But some how I just cannot comprehend what is going on. Should I hold on to him? and wish, just wish, for a happily ever after, even when it will never comes true, or I should just move back on to my wandering life? You tell me. Lost in a Race which I know I can never finish.

My sweetie dear~ you tell me. Tell me what to do. Tell me to move on. Or tell me to stay. I know I should never allow you to walk away just like that, because it would hurt my heart so much. But, yet you not getting all the happiness you deserve hurts me the most.

I may be stupid and gulliable, but I know that it is my choice, and that I chose it. I would have to bear all the consequences that I made.

Even if I really make up my mind to give up, would you still be my friend? My very best friend, my confidant? Would you still come and visit me like you promised ?. You know how much I hate broken promises right?

Sigh, I feel like a disaster now. I am lost and my head is spining.

Sweet dreams sweetheart,

Yours, Little One

Messed Up~

2007-01-21T05:38:00.000+08:00

Okiiieee now~

My head is really messed up~
My life is screwed~

Ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｉｎ　ｍｙ　ｌｉｆｅ～Ｉ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｗａｎｔ～　Ｓｅｒｉｏｕｓｌｙ！！

头痛了～

Ｓｉｇｈ～＜３３　ｔａｌｋ　ａｇａｉｎ　ｌａｔｅｒ～　

Love Sucks~

2007-01-20T13:16:00.000+08:00

It seems that, no matter what I do, I can never make him happy.
I do not know if he is serious towards or I am still the same,

his lil' sister.

I can never be more than that.

It saddens me because his lack of time making it clear to me. Whether
I should move and~ it is because I am a person~ who lacks the time.
Every minute is precious. I do not want to waste
so much time dwelling on something which I love so much yet
can not return what I am about to give. Love sucks and Love hurts~

The pangs of a teenage life. Here I experience so much pain, maybe
things will get better when I get older. But now~ the pain I feel
inside of me makes me want to just sit and reflect and some times,
tears just fall.

I know I am not weak. If I was, I would be long gone. You don't
know how much trouble my life had been. With a weird family of
infused values; I don't know..
My life is sort of; have too many short comings.

Sigh~ I wish he would just take the time off
and see how I feel towards him.

Headache

2007-01-19T00:02:00.000+08:00

Wow, headache~ and HEARTache.

Sigh~ I do not know what is holding him back. I assumed that he has not and could not forget about her. Many I assume too much, and like he said, worry too much. But it is always best if I am well prepared for anything, well not my exams of course, ESPECIALLY ECONS.

Sigh, I really do not know what is he holding back. I am lost and confused. I am hurt and it is real painful.

I feel so sad and lost all of the sudden, knowing that he might never want to build a new castle with me. I am so.. LOST. GOSH~

wow~

2007-01-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

Waaah~ this love of mine is driving me crazy. I am like, mad about him.

Ye. -.- he drives me crazy.

kekek ~

OMG~ I am hopeless. Sigh~ the gigglee and waggle of a dreamy teenage life.

Ok now he is probably asleep and me ~ spaming his MSN~ his school starts today~ =( sob sob~

This means we have lesser time to talk to one another.. .. Missed him.. talking to him is like.. talking to.. me. XD miss him la..

I can't help it. AHHHHHHHHHHH

=) Happy~

2007-01-09T04:49:00.000+08:00

~if u are really unsure~ lets forget it~ ur happiness means more to me~ =)

Right now I cannot understand myself. Why am I even crying? or just tears fall?

Maybe it was not meant to be, because, I feel he's so unsure. Well, if it is so, I shall not dwell on it. I think I shall just

disappear somewhere where no soul can find me. The pain is too much for me. Guess my star sign was right, I am very emotional and sensitive. Ah crap mom~ you gave birth to me under the wrong star~ (yeah right~ Like I ever believed in star signs.)

Crest-fallen is one of the most apt words to describe me now. I am so lost, confused and, hurt. Yet I doubt I even know why. Is it because of jealousy or rather~ this reminds me how Kagome had the darkness in her heart because he could not forget Kikyo~

Sigh~ what have I done, how did ever think that I could ever replace her? I do not know what is wrong with me.

Help~ I am sad, lost and confused. Could you pick me up from where I fell and take a few steps back.

Gosh Damn It, these tears are hard to hold back.

Yawns~~~

2007-01-06T11:17:00.000+08:00

Another day, saddened by defeat and sorrows caused by down turns in life.

So much to do, yet so little time.

Signing off

©FX

Well~ The End

2006-12-31T02:05:00.000+08:00

So much to write about yet so hard to express it in words.

Sigh~ Life's too long. I wish time can pass by faster than it can now.

E.
I.
O.
N.
Period.

Sigh~ ko~ maybe only you can truly understand me. =) Cheers~ Happy New Year guys and girls~ <3 lol and loads of kisses and huggies from me~

Promises

2006-12-26T10:37:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me. I am very particular about promises.

If you cannnot keep promises, then don't make them.

It hurts so much that if one break promises to me. I do not know why. It saddens me greatly and causes me to grief like someone had passed away.

Sigh, no one can really understand me.

At all.

Till then, the world would always have promises made but will be broken later on. Part and parcel of life I guess.

I always mean what I say and I honor what I said. Do not make promises you can't keep.

Imma Box You!

2006-12-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

Seriously Ko~ I really want to box you.

Sob Sob~ You don't have time for me anymore. You still don't know what's going on in my head. How much headache I have these past few days.

Sigh~ Take Care.

Merry Christmas all. =)

So hard to Be Me~

2006-12-24T04:26:00.000+08:00

Yup~ It's so hard to be M.E. ~ well ya.. tell you more later. Sleepy and Hungry~ Boo hoo

Chivalry~~

2006-12-23T08:53:00.000+08:00

We lost the war again.

But it isn't because we were incompetant. Thanks to all who came and fight for us and with you.

I was using LordDemon's character this time, and for some reason I find myself aiming at him. hahah I guess I COULD actually forget about him and hate him. So I am not that weak.

Another thing.

Why do I love someone who is beyond my grasp?

Why?

Why do I have feelings for someone whom I cannot attain?

Why do I have love for someone who loves me back but not in the same way.

Life's Like That

2006-12-22T00:31:00.000+08:00

You know, I can never forget Advercides. No matter what I do. People asked why I need a name tag changer for. This is because they do not know the attachment I have with Advercides. They do not understand how I feel. If changing my name, and being a whole new person could let me forget my ties with Adver, then I shall very well do so.

It is kind of hard to explain in words what Adver really mean to me, and in particular 1 person. I wish things were back to where it left off. I wish all these had never happened. But somehow, it did. It saddened me greatly. And as I grow older each day, I become wiser. A part of me made me realised that it is all part and parcel of life. Things we do not understand happens. Things we do not want to happen will happen. And things that can go wrong, will go wrong, accordng to Murphy's Law.

Inside of me, its so hard to explain. There is always a tug on in my heart. A pull, which is getting stronger as one approaches. This pull leaves a lump in my throat and I find it so hard to grasp or swallow. Painful.

No one will really understand how much I miss them. Yet I do not understand them either. Why did I even bother to shed my tears for them, I ask myself. Perhaps the only way for me to stop crying is to forget about them entirely. And forget about him. What's wrong with me. I am so lost in this mindless child play. Perfectly alright on the outside, but I am in a dire state, a sort of dilemma, and uncontrollable situations on the inside.

The inside hurts the most.

No matter what new family I have now, they will still be my past.

My brother dear, I need a psychiatrist. Badly. I yearn to forget certain stuff, but I can't. It does not want to go away.

Like Foaly would say, "Ya need a mind swipe!"

Presents.=D

2006-12-20T18:58:00.000+08:00

Tiny parcels mean a lot of loves because they open up to new surprises. =D
My christmas presents for my Chivalry~ <3 <3

and my koko's pic~ hehe

Shh Don't tell him I posted it here.~ Isn't he adorable? kakaka

o.o

2006-12-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

keke~ Koko received my present last saturday and his mother did not gave it to him lol. HIs mum must be wondering which arse from Singapore sent my son a bomb!!! Kiddin~ haha

Well, we are all geared up for guildwar, I hope. Well, at least for me and ahgong~ <3 <3

Can't wait to trash a few loud mouths with no life. ._.

=X well~ holidays are here and Chrissy's around the corner~ can't wait for all my presents. =D

Silly koko was so busy with school and probably sleeping like a piggy now that school is finally over for him, for now at least. ^^

He said will be free the day after tomorrow =X thats a long way, =( no one to talk to me.. sob sob

LOoOoOSeRS

2006-12-18T20:17:00.000+08:00

Gosh, can't believe Advercides are nothing but mere losers of the lowest degree. They are worst that pariahs. They should be sued by the Humanitarian Council.

aND THEY SHOULD JUST GO TO hell.

Tired Again

2006-12-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

Pffp~ Its so tiring and its like 11.50 pm now. Just got back from shooting a 2 hours ago. Was so tiring and I, like missed real sleep = meaning more than 5 hours, for 4 days already. Lol. Well, here it goes again. Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwws

-.-

Alright catch ya later~ ^_~

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